New Year's Resolution #1: Finish New Year's Resolution List

Miss Stacia's recurring New Year's Resolutions:
1. improve posture
2. floss more
3. learn Spanish
4. front a band
5. avoid unmarried pregnancy

And a Brief List of Goals for '07:
1. Choreograph tap dance to Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine" (to flesh out resume).
2. Master the endless uses for the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill. (It bakes cookies, Brother!)
3. Perfect backup vocals/dance routine for mid-year performance of "One More Chance" at Knitting Factory's Hip Hop Karaoke. (Daz will never let me be Biggie.)
4. Pose for Robert Crumb (in France).
5. Rejuvenate Bat Mitzvah Dancing Career. (And bring back sequins.)
6. Marry hyper-cultured contemporary writer (J. Lethem?) and steal secrets of success.
7. Use Netflix movies (as coasters).
8. Write dissertation on why hip hop stars wear winter coats during performances in eighty-five degree nightclubs. (Postulation: The "ice" makes them cold.)
9. Read Gravity's Rainbow (to preschoolers as a volunteer in the afterschool program).
10. Make more lists. (Word.)

Why you might want to skip dinner with your parents before they go to the Barry Manilow concert at Madison Square Garden.

Mama Jones: Hey Stace, you look great! Oooh, that sweater looks itchy! Is it?

(Touches it and recoils.)

Papa Jones: Hey Stace, what's new?

Miss Stacia: Nothing much.

PJ: What do you mean nothing much? What's going on with that interview? And your job search? Have you plotted out the next five stages of your career yet? Have you checked Career Builders? Where are you looking? How many jobs do you apply for a day?

MJ: Do you know they're running a deal now where you can get six months on Match.com for free?

PJ: No, it's that if you don't meet a partner within the first six months, you get the next six months for free.

SJ: I'm not doing match.com.

MJ: Why not? Listen to your mother. I want what's best for you.

(Pauses to look up at my hair in it's classic "pouf" updo and then reaches out very slowly to squish it down with the palm of her hand.)

MJ: I hate the bump. Why do you always wear the bump? You're beautiful without it. Listen to me, I wouldn't lie to you, Miss Itchy Sweater.

SJ: I hate you.

PJ: Come on, let's go.

MJ: Look, Stace! Your father and I are wearing our Barry Manilow outfits.

SJ: Your Barry Manilow outfit is a winter coat and knit hat?

MJ: (sings) At the Copa, Copacabana...

(Looks over at me as we head out the door.)

MJ: Where are YOUR gloves?!

Spelunk with me for a minute or two or three...

Say from 6:06 to 8:39 on Track 2 of Joanna Newsom's Y's:

"Monkey and Bear"

And thanks to the awesome Genius at the Walt Whitman Mac Store for clearing up this MP3 posting business, once and for all.