Sums and Summaries: 2008 In Mathematical Review

The Basics: Counting One Through Ten (Albums)
1. Lil' Wayne – Tha Carter III (If you are "the best rapper alive," it probably means you're number one.)
2. Taylor Swift – Fearless (It only took the musical musings of a fifteen-year old to make me want to pick out a white dress and baby just say, yes.)
3. Bon Iver – For Emma, Forever Ago (Drives home the heartache. Worth every falsetto-inspired tear.)
4. Lykke Li – Youth Novels (Electronically-engineered coyness. I Lykke a lot.)
5. Girl Talk – Feed the Animals ("No Diggity" over "Flashing Lights," over my first race of 6.2 miles. Not to mention a cameo by Rod-the-young-hearthrob-Stewart.)
6. Jenny Lewis – Acid Tongue (Grand poeticism awash in indie country loveliness.)
7. Kaki King – Dreaming of Revenge (Humble instrumental contemplation.)
8. Frightened Rabbit – The Midnight Organ Fight (The Frames minus the movie deal.)
9. Vampire Weekend – Self-Titled (You can be pro "Oxford Comma," while remaining anti-Oxford comma.)
10. Why? Alopecia (Why[?] do I love thee? For your bar mitzvah references and Williamsburg Bridge companionship.)

Remainders
Fleet Foxes – Self-Titled (Breezy harmonies.)
Amanda Palmer – Who Killed Amanda Palmer? (Brash horns.)
Kanye West – 808's and Heartbreak (Vocoder soul.)

Now Ten Back to One (Songs)
10. M.I.A - "Paper Planes" (Thumping. Bass.)
9. Kaki King - "Pull Me Out Alive" (Heart. Aches.)
8. Beyonce – "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" (Man. Up.)
7. MGMT – "Electric Feel" (Throw. Back.)
6. Lil' Wayne - "Let The Beat Build" (Lift. Lower.)
5. Kanye West – "Love Lockdown" (Bang. Drum.)
4. Jenny Lewis – "Acid Tongue" (Sparse. Strum.)
3. The Dodos – "Fools" (Chorale. Rush.)
2. Lykke Li – "Little Bit" (Maybe. Love.)
1. Ne-Yo – "Closer" (Billie. Jean.)

Simple Equation for a Swedish Idol Sandwich: Lykke Li's "I'm Good I'm Gone" + Amanda Jennsen's "Do You Love Me" + Lykke Li's "Little Bit" = Syncopated Strutting Down City Streets

Fitness Routine Breakdown in Percentages
20% Ellipticalness: Robyn – Self-Titled (Inspiring Stacey's haircut '09?)
30% Weightensity: Rihanna – Good Girl Gone Bad ('07, so sue me.)
40% Treadmillocity: Beyonce – I Am Sasha Fierce (Run those thighs into '88 leotard shape.)
10% Abdomination: Lil' Wayne - "Let The Beat Build" (Over and over and beyond (8)'08.)


Who Says These Lists Have No Logic?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beyonce's I Am...Sasha Fierce (Disc 1) < Solange's Sol-Angel & The Hadley St. Dreams < Beyonce's I Am...Sasha Fierce (Disc 2)

THEREFORE:

Matthew Knowles = RICH
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" > I'm From Barcelona's "Paper Planes" (On the dance floor.)
M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" < I'm From Barcelona's "Paper Planes" (In the headphones.)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
IF:
Anyone who like Taylor Swift has something in common with eight year old girls.
AND
Miss Stacia likes Taylor Swift.
THEN:
Miss Stacia has something in common with eight-year old girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random Data and Analysis (No Numerical Equivalent):

Electric show no one else (critic or companion) seemed to enjoy: M.I.A. @ McCarren Park, 6/6/08 (Put my neon Nikes to their proper rhythmic use.)

Oops! Forgot I had a ticket to: She & Him @ Terminal 5, 7/26/08 (Was it good? Anyone?)

Discovered I like leaning on the balcony more than standing on the main floor at: Wolf Parade @ Terminal 5, 8/31/08 (I also like a game of shuffleboard, some warm milk, and a nap after the show.)

Partied like it was my birthday at: Girl Talk @ Terminal 5, 11/16/08 (And nearly spent the midnight transition to age 26 on the coat check line.)

Most uncomfortable broadway show to see with your grandparents: Spring Awakening (Incestuous rape and live sex-simulation, followed immediately by intermission. "So how do YOU like it so far?")

How can I justify having watched so much of: The Pickup Artist (I claim research for self-defense against furry hats and goggles and terms like "kino.")

Biggest waste of Maggie Gyllenhal: "The Dark Knight Returns" (Better when Maggie is the dark one.)

Proof that a stellar cast, a decent concept, and a sprinkling of directorial fairy dust does not an awesome movie make: "Be Kind Rewind" (WTF Michel, I thought you HAD this!)

Best reason to stay home (or stay up drunk until 4am with your DVR) on Summer Friday nights: Battlestar Galactica (I heart thee Kara Thrace.)

Why the frak are they making me wait from June until 2009 for: The Battlestar finale. (This is Cylon-prison-on-New-Caprica-level torture.)

Movie That Made Me Want to be French (more than usual): "Man on Wire" (It also made me want to be muse to a man in leggings.)

Totally didn't need to see you twice in theaters: "Sex and The City The Movie" (Seppuku with a Manolo before viewing number 3.)

So glad I double dipped in: Murakami @ The Brooklyn Museum (Semen lassos! Breast-milk jump ropes! Anime-chicks transforming into airplanes!)

Proof that the lord is my personal curator: "Warhol's Jews" exhibit at The Contemporary Jewish Museum in San Francisco (Where screenprinting meets Golda Meir.)

Proof that Weezy groks the fullness of Robert A. Henlein's, Stranger In A Strange Land: The freaktastic lyrics to "Phone Home" ("We are not the same, I am a Martian.")

Almost lived up to the greatness of Sandman: Y The Last Man and Alias. (Is the fantasy to DATE Yorick and/or Jessica Jones or BE Yorick and/or Jessica Jones. I haven't yet decided.)

Got its ass kicked by the King of Dreams: Girls by the Luna Brothers (A hundred naked chicks per frame, all paling in comparison to Death's gothy hottness.)

Fortune Cookie Fortune Found At The Bottom Of The Wallet '08: You find beauty in ordinary things. (Like fortune cookie fortunes. And year-end lists.) Do not lose this ability.