Thinking About What I'm Thinking About

Miss Stacia should never be asked to quantify anything complex, especially not the wavering, constantly mutating elements of her life and mind. Obsessive-compulsive freaks like me tend to get wrapped up in personal assessment (still working on my website bio, 2 years and counting), which often obscures more practical and easily-executed endeavors like cleaning the apartment, tackling the New Yorker and of course, making labels. But my dear friend Casiminowski sucked me into this weirdly addictive "percentage game" a few days ago, forcing me to break down and analyze the issues occupying space in my buzzing cortex. This, of course, has succeeded in driving me completely freaking insane.

Cas’ idea behind “calculating your percentage” started with his examination of the concept that men think about sex every 7 seconds. He began to survey the other subjects he spends time with on a regular basis and presented multiple revisions of a list mapping out his estimated thought pattern percentages, challenging others to undergo the same calculations.

This started as a fairly casual task for me, but as Casimir pointed out, coming to terms with your own method of classification is half the battle. I am a self-critical perfectionist and a chronic over-explainer (bullets reflect the breakdowns of the bolded categories) But that is how it must be, so deal with it.

The (estimated, ever-changing, mostly-complete) Thought Pattern Breakdown of Miss Stacia Jones:

10 % Family (If you don’t list this first you go to hell with all the folks who used their "dead grandmother" as a frequent excuse to get out of final exams. P.S. Hi mom.)
3% Independence and Personal Strength/Growth (I don’t need you, bitches!)
18% Relationships (I need you bitches!)
- (4) long standing friendships (The people who remember my past for me.)
- (3) making new acquaintances (Disregarding the Harvard events forced upon me by Miss Jay-Z and the two weeks a year I choose to put faith in internet dating.)
- (5) potential flings/infatuations (Every woman I know is drowning in these thoughts. Percentage is inversely related to length of time since last non-self-induced orgasm.)
- (5) current fires (If you're reading this, expect booty calls.)
- (1) old flames (And the near-impossible task of re-friendship.)
8% Creative Fulfillment
- (4) cultivation (retainment) of talent (Knock, knock, are you in there?)
- (3) career projection (Label making leads to food criticism in The Onion?)
- (1) effects of oversocialization and procrastination (Makes you think a lot about how you’re not writing about what a craaaaaaazy time you’re having.)
16% Cultural Exploration/Studies (Back to school.)
- (5) nyc live events (Life over TV.)
- (5) music (Thank you Thom Yorke.)
- (2) film (Thank you Meryl Streep.)
- (3) literature (New Yorker vs. the book club book)
- (1) the visual arts (Once upon a time, this blog was named “Collections Are Dangerous” for a reason.)
10% Food (Proudly gluttonous. P.S. Hi Rachie!)
- (3) current (pending) meal (Maybe sushi?)
- (2) past meals (If I don’t write about Red Lobster soon, the dub room will riot.)
- (5) future meals (Including Dumont, Momofuku, Peter Luger’s and Hooters.)
4% Self-doubt/paranoia (Do I really want to eat at Hooters?)
10% Activity Organization and Planning (Call a month in advance, and I can safely pencil you in.)
- (2) cheesy work activities (Unofficial director of morale.)
- (3) future live music (More Neko Case!)
- (5) upcoming weekend plans (Some overlap with the “future meal” category here. Crif Dog is always a consideration.)
4% The State of the World (Warring/Melting)
2% The Gym (Crizzunch!)
- (1) health (Feeling great.)
- (1.5) appearance (Looking grood.)
- (.5) hot trainers (Please aid me in stretching out my quads.)
2% Fashion (Miss Stacia stylee.)
- (.5) shoes and bags (and baubles, oh my!)
- (.5) event specific attire (ties, Halloween costumes)
- (1) cultivating style (Karen O meets Carrie Bradshaw?)
1% The Apartment (Dealing mostly with plans to clean and the rationalizations for brushing these plans aside.)
1% Fantasy Baseball (MUST beat the fellas. P.S. Hi dad!)
3% Blogging (And how NOT to suck like the revised Gawker.)
- (1) inspiration (Thank you College Man.)
- (2) action (This was easier when I worked a job where I did nothing at all.)
3% Money (How to be a Sugar Mama someday.)
5% Oh yeah, SEX (And why I never have any.)

Casimir chose to include a miscellaneous category, but in the spirit of adventure I decided any subject I have omitted will be automatically added to the Sex category (where everything belongs in one context or another anyway). The weather (.1%), abandoned puppies (.001%) and the shearing of sheep (.0000000000000000001%) are all now officially related to Coitus Maximus as far as I see it. So tell me what I missed.