My Life in Bonz

For those of you who are new to Collections are Dangerous, or who are unfamiliar with one of it's early stars, let me give you the quickie guide to The Bonz:


1. She pops the collar.


Heyyyyy!


2. She has the rack to beat.


Miss Stacia's left breast acting as an inadequate imposter.


3. She will put peanut butter on anything.


Peanut Butter Encrusted Meatloaf: A Bonz special recipe.


4. She dresses experimental fashionistas in her Lilly Pulitzer when she's wasted.


Yes, those are whales.


5. She innapropriately flashes the devil horns.


Old Fashioned Tomato Soup rocks, motherfuckers!


6. She encourages drinking beer from a cozie.


One of many from the Bonz's collection.



Proper lubrication aids the creative process.

8. She has an unhealthy obsession with Manhattan socialties.


Just call her Bonzley Mortimer.


9. She can shoot the duck.


Not this kind.


Or this kind.


But this kind.


10. Many things make her "uncomfy."


But not this.


The Bonz was my anchor of sanity while I worked for the Citi, and in addition to acting as a main supporter of the Experimental Fashion Friday movement (along with Jules McMattress), she was instrumental in the development of both the Wall of Faith...



Freedom of Religion and Bat-Mitzvah phone card giveaways for all.


and the Wall of Fashionable Orthapedic Shoes.


No way we're wearing Dr. Scholl's when we're 65.


Next week a much tanner chapter of the Bonz's life will begin in San Francisco. I'm sad to see the lady go, but the surf is calling for her preppy chic to wash over the boardwalks of California. All will be okay as long as you don't forget your roots Bonzie. The Upper East Side blondes will never let you live that down.

We'll miss you.