Managers Jones & Jones - Season 2

This year's fantasy baseball draft has started and my daily bonding sessions with Papa Jones have begun. By now Mama Jones has learned if her husband and daughter are on the phone during baseball season, they're most likely discussing the fate of their Yahoo team of sluggers. Last year, as my silent partner during my very first attempt at fantasy glory, dad advised me towards a team full of "reliable" geezers. The average age of our team was almost four years older than that of the winner's, but in spite of recurring injuries and the onset of osteoperosis, our old farts landed us in a respectable 6th place (out of 12). Supposedly three or four of my leaguemates threw in the towel mid-season, but I like to think they elected to quit after realizing they were getting their asses beaten by a girl.

I am no longer the only female in my league (there are two to beat this year, both Yankee fans. Grrrrrrr.), and I can't decide if I have more or less to prove. Dad has been a pretty good sport about our new girl-power teamname, The Flying Ginas (that's "Jy-nah"), mostly because I've given him no choice. He's also agreed to target some of baseball's younger talent and we have both made a pact to to avoid repeating the following sins of last year:

1. Drafting A-Rod.
2. Letting go of Francisco Liriano before the season starts.
3. Accidentally drafting Tom Jones instead of Todd Jones. (okay, that one was my fault)

We're already in the third round of the draft with Big Papi Ortiz and Jimmy Rollins taking their places at the top of Team Gina. I have confidence starting off with a Red Sox player instead of a Yankee player is good luck, and drafting a shortstop instead of Black Flag's lead singer is another step in the right direction. My turn to pick has come up once again and I put in a call to my father this morning to discuss my options. In the end, draft pick number three came down to Chone Figgins on Los Angeles and Troy Glaus on Toronto.

The process for making a draft decision over the phone can be long and taxing and usually goes something like this:

Stacia Jones: Okay, so we're down to Figgins and Glaus.

Papa Jones: Yeah, both great picks. Figgins will give you the speed you need. He's young, he's a hot shot...if you want to go young, Figgins is a great pick. But Glaus...Glaus will give you power. He's a powerhouse. He blasts the ball. Wait, check their numbers.

SJ: Figgins had 9 homeruns, 62 RBIs, 52 stolen bases...

PJ: See, I told you he was fast...

SJ: .267. And he's eligible for 2nd, 3rd and the outfield.

PJ: Okay, Glaus?

SJ: 38 homeruns...

PJ: See!

SJ: 104 RBIs, 3 stolen bases...

PJ: No speed...

SJ: and a .252 average. 3rd and shortstop.

PJ: Okay, I like it. I like them both.

SJ: But which guy do you think we need more? Do we need speed or power? We've got Ortiz's bat and Rollins is pretty fast...Wait, should we go pitching?

PJ: Naw, not yet. There are two hard, fast rules in baseball, two truisms that never fail. Fast guys always steal, and strikeout pitchers always strike out.

SJ: What does that have to do with anything?

PJ: I'm just saying.

SJ: Okay...

PJ: There are plenty of strikeout pitchers left. There hasn't been a run on them yet.

SJ: So Figgins or Glaus?

PJ: Hmmm, Figgins or Glaus... Wait, read me the top starting pitchers still available.

I search and read off the top starters to Papa Dukes...

PJ: Okay, now the closers...

Now check second base again...

And third???

SJ: Dad! Figgins or Glaus??!!

PJ: Okay, Figgins. I say, go with Figgins. Wait, wait, mom needs to talk to you.

Mama Jones, who knows little to nothing about baseball, gets on the phone.

MJ: "Make sure you get Figgins, and if you can't get Figgins, get eenie, meenie, minie, mo."