Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Halloweenies

Sort of Awards. Sort of Not. I use colons. You’ll get the idea.

peggy close up
Courtesy of your favorite 80's redhead.

Best Male Costume: Richard Simmons. The Tae Bo tape looped at the party and Mr. Simmons' real curly fro lent this masterpiece its authenticity.

Best Female Costume: Ummm, Peggy Bundy.

Best Duo Costume Idea: Double Dare Contestants. Complete with “DD” t-shirts, elbow and kneepads, helmets with cups on top (for catching random slimy objects), little red flags and homemade GAK.

Best Lesbian Couple Costume: Martha and Ellen. Daytime TV, back-to-back! Ellen sported a suit with white sneakers and Martha passed out “prison bars” (carefully plated mini Snickers on toothpicks).

Best Non-Gay, Gay Couple Costume: Cop and Jailbird. Two random guys (both) named Dan show up at the same party, one dressed as the punished, the other as the punisher. Sheer coincidence? Or a hot "chase" waiting to unfold?

Most High-Maintenance Couple Costume: Bacon and Egg. Costumes made out of foam with hole cut-outs for the head, arms and legs are hilarious to look at. And SUCK to wear.

Best Group Costume: The Nina, the Pinta, The Santa Maria. Traveled with a spandex-sporting Christopher Columbus.

Most Creative Homage: Hunter S. Thompson, post-suicide. Hunter and I probably passed about 4,000 “Fear and Loathing" fans over the course of the night and only the homeless guy in front of the deli on St. Marks and A called out in recognition. “Hunter S. Thompson with a bullet in his head! Genius, man!”

Predicted Costume Hit of the Year: Napoleon Dynamite. Vote for Pedro.

Actual Costume Hit of the Year: Hasidic Jew. Vote For Schlomo.

Ratio of Hasidic Jews to Napoleon Dynamites spotted over three-day period: 4:1. If men use the same costume choice logic as the majority of women in this city (dress to get laid), this means New Yorkers assumed your average rabbi gets laid more than the freakishly charming, monotone high school nerd.

Most obvious reaction to the Peggy Bundy Costume: Putting your hand in your pants. Hint to the men of New York City - try harder.

What to call Peggy when you can’t quite put your finger on it:
“Jersey!” (Not far off.)
“Long Island!” (On any other day, so very true.)
“The Nanny!” (Most embarrassing to hear screamed at you from across Avenue A.)
“Marge!” (Too much weed dude.)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

If I could insert here my pick for Most Obscure Group Costume: Larry Wilson, Bernie Lomax, and Richard Parker. Better known as the Weekend at Bernie's guys. Yes. I saw two dudes dressed in beach-ish wear, propping up another beach-ish wear clad dude (complete with moustache) and carrying him throughout the parade while supporting his neck, arms, and torso. I was too far away to see if they actually tied their shoelaces together. If they did 10 bonus points for attention to detail.