The Battle: Vincent Cary Fabtrano vs. himself

Rarely does an email have such potent entertainment value as this little gem forwarded to me by a coworker. From an achingly oblivious guy with whom Veronica went on ONE date, this marks the third in a series of gut-busting emails, too ridiculous to have sprung forth from a cognizant mind. Since this kid obviously needs an editor, I took it upon myself to draft up an amended version that is a bit more concise, employs correct rules of both grammar and spelling and leaves the advanced collegiate thesaurus on the shelf. Check out both versions below and decide which Vincent Cary Fabtrano has a better chance of getting the girl:

Dear Veronica,

I hope you are well. I am indeed. It has been quite awile since we saw eachother or I made "too forward" remarks which were out of line and not apporpriate. In any event, I think of you fondly even though we went out only one night. Your bright chatter and spirit were a pleasure to be a part of, and our conversations were deep that night at the bar, maybe too deep. It is a mad world, people searching for false identities, and chasing lies into superficial realms of daunted, limited contentment. Nevertheless, you poped into my head today amidst the chaos and I wanted to send you an email. I am living in Morningside Heights without T.V. or a computer and it is wonderful. I find myself reading a lot and working with children-they have so much to teach. I know the world is in a state of flux and it is magical to be a part of. I hardly drink anymore and find it rejuvinating for the soul. You are a very passionate kisser I remember well in the lobby of your building. I did! indeed felt a bond with you after that, it was passionate, and something I could feel. One must trust one's own feelings, true feelings over all else in a society bogged down with flesh oriented recognition. Veronica, I wish you all the very best:

Kindest Regards,
Vincent


And the email VCF should have sent:

Hey Veronica,

What's up? It's been a while since we've seen each other and I was wondering if you'd be interested in doing it again. I hope my remarks weren't too forward the last time we spoke. I know sometimes I can be an arrogant prick and my overzealous emails can be somewhat pretentious, its just that I liked you. I thought there was some passion in our kisses and was hoping to impress you so I could get your sweet little arse up to my place either for another hot make-out session or even just some rumination on philosophy or politics. You know how much I like to wax geo-political theories post-WWII.

I know sometimes my emails don't make sense. But I've been working with children alot lately (a replacement for hitting the bottle) and the one thing they've taught me is that love doesn't have to make sense. If I think you are the princess tasting of the fruit, I need to tell you, even if I'm not quite sure what I mean. Even if I'm not sure how to spell princess.

It's a mad world Veronica. Since I'm completely oblivious to current events I'll go out on a limb and say its a mad, MAGICAL world. I know you ignored me the last time I contacted you, but I can't ignore my hunch that you were just waiting for me, Sir Vincent Cady Fabtrano, to sweep you off your feet, away from the simple temptations of the flesh and into a world of neverending dribble masked as "deep" conversation.

Forward this email to all your friends if I'm wrong.

Kindest Regards,
Vincent