Office Obscenities

This afternoon on my way back to work from the bank I ducked into a deli for a healthy snack and was assaulted by the largest banana I had ever laid eyes on. My coworker (shoot-the-duck) Vannessa has often bragged about a banana she purchased in the pre-Dominique days that was “so large it was obscene.” Certain this banana would trump any former obnoxiously phallic fruit brought back to the cubicle, I humbly doled out two quarters to bring my find back to the girls.

Obscene really was the perfect word for this freakishly engorged gorilla favorite. Measuring almost eleven inches in length and about three inches in “girth” at its widest, the yellow shaft promised to be a full mouthful for even the most accommodating lady. I chose to cut it into small pieces for consumption to discourage gawking stares. Forget eating the thing, even holding it while standing at my desk was embarrassing, prompting flushed emails to my sympathetic female coworkers reading, “I love that Mike walked by while I was showing Michelle my large banana.”

Or maybe it was the fact that I was taking camera phone pictures of the thing side-by-side with Sally the office Barbie doll that triggered my embarrassment. I was just trying to give my lovely blog-reading audience a proper sense of scale.