Nerd of the Day

Since the issuing of my fancy corporate email account, I have been receiving and religiously filing away Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day emails, aspiring to one day study them like a fifth grade spelling list, potentially sparking the reactivation of a writer’s brain paralyzed by six months of transcription, travel & expenses and filing. Late one Friday afternoon, finally reaching the pinnacle of office boredom, I formulated the more specific goal of trying squeeze as many Words of the Day as possible into random sentences at work. This really did used to be one of my LEAST favorite elementary spelling and vocabulary exercises. I believe it was Tuesday’s regular assignment:

Monday: Write the word five times (Come on, this is cake.)
Tuesday: Use 10 words in a sentence. (Significantly more difficult.)
Wednesday: Use 15 words in a story. Story must contain a minimum of ten sentences. (Bitch, this will take me past Full House.)
Thursday: Study for exam. (Only if Veronica Vaughn practice tests me.)

Of course when the next Monday came around, instead of attempting to seamlessly integrate the word “gimcrack” into an email about the new central conference calendar, I defaulted to poring obsessively over Gawker’s jabs at Oprah fans (“OPRAH! OHMAGAH! YOU ARE SUUUUCH AN INSPIRATION!”) and searching Pitchfork for clotty reviews of over-hyped albums I’d missed while rotting away in my cubicle de silence. It wasn’t until January 13, 2005 that a particular Dictionary.com word nudged me out of my language lethargy. Most Word of the Day submissions are pretty pedestrian, but every once in a while a word will jump out, as did Jan 13th’s “sesquipedalian,” which, landing in my inbox, prompted an immediate forward to my friend Jen-Z – even before I read the definition – with the commentary, “Longest word of the day EVER.”

Opening the email then reaped the grandest of rewards:

sesquipedalian \ses-kwuh-puh-DAYL-yuhn\,
adjective:
1. Given to or characterized by the use of long words.
2. Long and ponderous; having many syllables.

noun:
A long word.

I mean, OBVIOUSLY.

This is the kind of gratifying coincidence that prompts nerdy boasting, an activity at which I excel. Last Wednesday afternoon by the copy machine, I had to tell Ken Tailey.

“I thought this Word of the Day was really long and then it turns out the word means really long and wordy!”

(Ken stares blankly.)

I forwarded Ken the aforementioned Word of the Day email and he was enthralled with my linguistic enthusiasm, you could tell. Later that afternoon, scanning my Word of the Day storage bank, I felt compelled to send him yet another word-related email:

From: Jones, Stacia
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 4:28 PM
To: Tailey, Ken
Subject: FW: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

another good one, especially if you're looking for words to convey a general state of wordiness:

Word of the Day for Tuesday December 6, 2005

logorrhea \law-guh-REE-uh\,
noun:
Excessive talkativeness or wordiness.

To which he responded…

From: Tailey, Ken
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 4:34 PM
To: Jones, Stacia
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

isn't that a venereal disease?

From: Jones, Stacia
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 4:38 PM
To: Tailey, Ken
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

stick to finance kent.

From: Jones, Stacia
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 4:40 PM
To: Tailey, Ken
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

although, the fact you spelled venereal correctly (and knew how to pronounce the word "heifer") proves you have a certain aptitude for the english language. i think...

From: Tailey, Ken
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 4:51 PM
To: Jones, Stacia
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

i pride myself on my ability to spell venereal. thanks for noticing.

I finally recognized our discourse as the perfect opportunity to begin integrating my Dictionary.com words, prompting a chain of (quite obviously business-related) vocab-laden emails…

From: Jones, Stacia
Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 5:03 PM
To: Tailey, Ken
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

i am but a tyro when juxtaposed with your assidious and laudable pursuit of lexicon mastery.

(4 dictionary words of the day in there.)

Which morphed into an all out war…

From: Tailey, Ken
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 11:06 AM
To: Jones, Stacia
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

i think you mean assiduous. the fact that you wrote assidious instead of assiduous is insidious.

From: Jones, Stacia
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 12:07 PM
To: Tailey, Ken
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

Not so much insidious as incommodious or unpropitious.

From: Ken Tailey
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 12:46PM
To: Jones, Stacia
Subject: RE: logorrhea: Dictionary.com Word of the Day

i was going for the faux rhyme w/ your made-up word, so while the definition could be construed as not perfectly apt, i'd wager it's not incorrect to describe your offense as tantamount to grammatical treachery.

Good game Kent. However…

Although you lambast me for errors of spelling, you fail to recognize how overly caustic language (Treachery? Really?) and non-existent, half-French compounds (What exactly is a faux rhyme?) encumber your execution. But in an attempt to assuage you and quell our respective pugnacious inclinations I offer this small concession. As Grammar subsumes both the spelling and usage of words, I acknowledge that neither of our grammatical delinquencies was significantly more contemptible than the other.

And as I demonstrate my commitment to the assiduous pursuit of proper grammar and spelling, I ask that you set aside your vainglory and allow me to conclude this discourse, as I am notoriously sesquipedalian and approach logorrhea.

Unless you feel compelled to comment, that is.